Damn Near Dead
by At A Venture
Summary: EricSookie. OneShot. Sookie begins getting some very strange mail, calls, and visits from Selah Pumphrey. But Selah just doesn't know who she's dealing with. Spoilers through All Together Dead


The bar was eerily quiet on Monday night, and I wished I was sitting at home. Heck, at this point, I'd rather be cleaning up Bob's, my roommate's cat, hairballs than standing around the empty bar. Sam was idly wiping the bar top with a damp rag, and Arlene was chatting on the phone with one of her children. The clock above the bar read four minutes past seven. Maybe there was some kind of news we were missing, what with the phone tied up. Maybe somewhere outside the bar, the apocalypse had hit and we were all about to explode? I frowned and picked up a ketchup bottle, examining the level of red paste inside the bottle. It was mostly full.

"Sam?" I called from my section as the door opened. I had turned away toward the bar to ask if I could go home early, but a customer came in and sat deliberately in my section. The door fell shut again and I turned around with a frown to greet whoever it was. Selah Pumphrey, Bill's human girlfriend, was sitting calmly at a booth.

Selah had been showing up in my personal space for weeks. Twice, she'd called the house "just to chat" with me, and twice she'd left little notes in my mailbox. It was starting to creep me out. Now, the bitch dating my ex-boyfriend was coming to my work and sitting in my section? Why didn't she sit in Arlene's section?

"What can I get you?" I beamed my nervous smile. On the inside, I was grimacing.

"Oh, just a glass of water with a wedge of lemon, I think." She was beaming too, but it looked much more realistic. I thought about digging inside her head. _No friggen way_, I thought. _I don't want to hear about her sex life with Bill. _

"Coming right up!" I squeaked, handing her a menu as I trotted over to the bar. Sam lifted an eyebrow at me. He knew my grin all too well. His hand touched my shoulder reluctantly and I stiffened.

"Everything okay, Sookie?" Sam asked. I sliced a lemon and sliced the wedge to stick it on the rim of the glass.

"Fine!" I replied, strained. I schlepped the glass back to Selah, took her order, and leaned over the kitchen counter to deliver it to the cook. "Feel free to spit on the bun," I muttered as I dropped off the order.

Selah hovered for over an hour, but she never ordered anything other than a glass of water. When she finally left money on the table, she made sure to put exact change out, and then she left. She hadn't even left a tip! I dropped the cash into the drawer and shot Sam a killer look. He bobbed his head toward the back of the bar, telling me I could leave. I bolted out of the bar without a second thought.

"Everything okay?" Claudine grinned as she met me out in the parking lot. Claudine was my fairy godmother, as she put it, and she really was a genuine fairy. Claudine had a tendency to show up when something bad was about to happen to me, but sometimes she didn't seem to have any kind of agenda.

"Could be better," I frowned. I stalked across the employee parking lot to my car and tossed my purse on the back seat. Claudine slid inside alongside me, leaving her much nicer convertible in the lot under a security light.

"How about joining me in some ice cream and a video?" Claudine asked. I couldn't help but smile. She had that effect on everyone. I nodded, and together we drove out to the old house that had belonged to my Gran and now belonged to me. Amelia's car was gone, so I pulled into the gravel driveway behind the house. Claudine skipped off to the mailbox while I unlocked the back door. Bob trotted up to rub against my ankles.

"I don't know where Amelia is," I said to him. Bob had once been Amelia's…well, not her boyfriend exactly. They'd both been witches in New Orleans, and one night, Amelia had accidently turned him into a cat during a sexual experiment. I'd never asked the details. Frankly, I didn't want to know. Even though Bob was a cat now, he still seemed to have some understanding of the human world. At least, when Amelia did something he didn't approve of, he took it out on her in a big way. Once, he'd even thrown up on her bed. Bob wandered away after I spoke to him.

"You got a letter, looks like," Claudine smiled, setting my mail on the kitchen table. She dug into the freezer and yanked out a gallon of mint-chip ice cream. I took some bowls from a cabinet over the sink. I hadn't even eaten a proper dinner. That left more tummy room for ice cream.

"Really?" I asked her while I pulled a pair of spoons from the silverware drawer. Claudine scooped ice cream into the dishes.

"Yep! Don't you just love mail? I love mail."

"As long as it isn't bills," I picked up the bundle of mail and rifled through it to find a small purple envelope, hand addressed. I didn't recognize the return address, but I opened the envelope anyway.

"What is it?" Claudine peered over my shoulder. At the same time, she drizzled chocolate syrup over her mound of ice cream.

I turned a small card covered in flowers over in my hands. It wasn't marked in any way, so I opened it. There was a sappy Hallmark poem on the inside that I didn't bother to read. Underneath it, Selah's curly handwriting said _Call me sometime! We should be friends! Selah Pumphrey. _

"Isn't that the girl dating Bill?" Claudine asked. She'd read the message while she poured crushed cookie crumbs on her sundae.

"Yes," I said through clenched teeth. This was getting out of hand.

"Why does she want to be friends? She's your ex-boyfriend's girlfriend…" Claudine was going on. She stuck her head in the fridge to look for whipped cream. I ripped up the card and tossed it in the trash.

"I have no idea. She came into the bar today too, sat in my section. I don't know what she wants."

"Did you try reading her thoughts?" Claudine frowned. She hadn't found whipped cream in the fridge, but she opened the freezer and found a tub of whipped topping hidden behind a box of flour.

"I don't want to stumble on something I don't want to hear."

"Oh, right." Claudine shrugged. She picked up her bowl and handed it to me. "I made this one for you. Do you have any caramel?"

"I don't think so," I said, looking down at the elaborate and sugary dessert. It was piled well over the lip of the bowl. I tried not to think about caramel sauce on mint flavored ice cream. Yuck.

"Darn. I love caramel. Oh well, chocolate it is!"

I found myself staring at the trash can where I'd left Selah's note. Suddenly, I didn't feel so hungry anymore. Claudine pushed me into the living room toward the television. She'd stuffed a video into the VCR before I had time to ask what it was, and we settled on the sofa together to watch the movie.

When I woke up, I felt sick and full of sugar. I'd managed to eat the entire sundae that Claudine had made for me, and I figured I'd passed out on the sofa before the movie had ended. Claudine had let herself out after covering me with a blanket. Sun was filtering in through the curtains when I woke up in the living room. Bob was curled up on the cushions behind my head, sun-bathing. I stretched and got up with a yawn. In the kitchen, the phone rang.

"Hello?" I asked, only half-awake. I checked the clock on the stove. It was just after nine. I had to be at the bar at eleven.

"Oh hi Sookie, it's Selah Pumphrey."

I shuddered. What the heck did she want at nine in the morning?!

"I'm making breakfast and I was wondering if I could borrow a cup of flour. I'm making pancakes, and it looks like Bill is totally out."

"Well he would be." I grunted into the phone. "He's a vampire."

"He usually keeps the cabinets stocked. After all, I sleep over a lot."

"I have errands to do." I growled, and I slammed the phone back onto its hook. Two minutes awake, and already I was angry. Great.

In a piss poor mood, I slumped to the bathroom to take a shower. Even under the warm water, I couldn't shake the irritation. I wanted to know why Selah kept calling, kept showing up, kept leaving notes in the mail. What did she want from me? Why was she being so overtly friendly? It was starting to drive me up the wall. I wanted to march over to Bill's house, kick down the door, and scream at Selah until my lungs gave out. I looked down at my arm as I rubbed it with the soap, and I noticed that my skin was flushing red. I was so angry that I'd rubbed myself raw.

"Are you going in to work?" Amelia asked me as I emerged from the bedroom in my work clothes. I'd dried my hair and put it up behind my head in a tight half-knot. Amelia was bent over the stove, making bacon and egg sandwiches.

"No, I dress like this for the hell of it." I snapped.

"And a bitchy morning to you too!"

I balked, but stopped midway. There was no reason to grump at Amelia. It wasn't her fault that Selah was being a pest.

"Sorry. It's this Selah thing."

"She's still pestering you?" Amelia raised her eyebrows. "Want me to turn her into a toad?"

"I'm tempted. I really am. Maybe if I just ignore her, she'll stop."

"Or maybe if you punch her in the throat, she'll stop." Amelia grinned. She handed me a breakfast sandwich wrapped in wax paper.

"Off to work!"

Merlotte's was busy for lunch, and as soon as I tied on my apron, I was serving tables. Holly was opposite me, taking orders for chicken strips and Cokes in between wiping down fresh tables. I waved to her half-heartedly before turning to my customers. Portia and her fiancé ordered hamburgers, and Hoyt and my brother Jason ordered double cheeseburgers. I was darting to and from the kitchen like a girl on roller skates, and I hardly noticed when a new group of customers took the only open booth in the restaurant, at the corner of my section. I turned towards them as I left Jason and Hoyt.

I felt my mouth fall open. My gran would have said I was catching flies.

Selah Pumphrey was sitting down at the booth with a gaggle of young women I'd never met. My stomach turned over. If I'd been a shifter or a were, I would have raised my hackles. She was invading my territory again! I couldn't believe it!

"Hi Sookie!" Selah beamed, waving me over. I slumped to their table, my face strained into a grin. I could barely maintain my composure. I wanted to reach across the booth and strangle her.

"This is my book club. This is Jenny, and Erin, and Cindy. Girls, this is Sookie Stackhouse. She's Bill's ex." The women nodded at me, and smiled in a sad sort of way. I couldn't define the look exactly. I kept my mental guard up, though. I didn't want to know what Selah had told them about me.

"What can I get you?" I grunted while I passed out menus. The girls looked them over, frowning. Merlotte's menu was pretty sparse. After all, we were a bar first, and a restaurant second.

"I'll take a water, with a lemon wedge." Selah said with a smile.

"Do you have any hot tea?" Jenny, a bottle blonde with wide green eyes asked me.

"Iced tea for me, unsweetened." Cindy grimaced at the menu.

"Diet Coke?" Erin said.

I left the table to grab their drinks. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Selah bend over to consult with her "book club." Four pairs of eyes turned toward me, and even though I was struggling not to listen in, I knew they were talking about me.

"What's going on, Sook?" Sam asked me. I was loading the glasses onto a tray so I could bring them to the table all at once.

"Selah Pumphrey," I sneered.

"Wasn't she just here yesterday?"

"Yes." I was seething. My teeth were clenched. The four women were still bent over in deep discussion.

"Just breathe, Sookie." Sam sighed. Sometimes he'd comfort me by touching my shoulder. Now he kept his hands to himself. The glasses on the tray clinked as I lifted it. I was shaking with rage.

Taking a deep breath, I managed to carry the tray of drinks over without incident, take their orders, and go back to the kitchen to drop them off. I ignored Selah and her entourage by tending to my other tables, and I delivered their food without a word. I was being rude, and I knew it. Usually I'd bend over the tables for a quick chat, or at least try to smile brightly as I walked by. But with Selah's table, I was barely able to contain my anger. She was invading my territory, and she was doing it on purpose. I reconsidered reading her thoughts to find out why she was stalking me, but I didn't want to open a can of worms. If I found out details I didn't want to hear, I was certain I'd lose it. Selah and her book club lingered long after I'd cleared their table and delivered their check. When they finally left, I let my self out the back door for a break.

The rest of my day went by with relative ease, and by the time my shift ended, I was in good spirits again. I called Amelia on my new cellular phone and we agreed to head down to Shreveport for supper, and then for a relaxing visit to Fangtasia. Ever since I'd formed a blood tie with Eric, the Sheriff of Area Five, I found myself interested in going to his vampire bar to relax and get away from Bon Temps. Being across the cemetery from my ex-boyfriend and his nosey girlfriend was difficult, and Shreveport provided a nice escape. Of course, whenever I was close to Eric, I felt more relaxed, more confident, and more peaceful.

When I got home, I changed into an outfit that I was sure would grab Eric's attention, even if he couldn't automatically feel me. I pulled on a low-cut white dress that tied around the neck in a halter style. The style of the dress emphasized my small waist and hid my wide hips under a flowing skirt. I slid my toes into a pair of wheat-colored sandals with white straps, and I put a few bangle bracelets on one of my wrists. Amelia met me in the kitchen, and she'd dressed up as well. She wore a conservative but attractive black skirt that cut off just above her knees, and a violet silk blouse that draped gently over her shoulders.

"We'll be home late, Bob." Amelia smiled. She was wearing glossy purple lip gloss. "Don't wait up." Bob sulked away from the door to hide in the kitchen. On our way to Shreveport, I told Amelia about Selah's "book club" meeting at Merlotte's.

"Are you sure you don't want me to spook her? I could shake her up and no one would be the wiser."

"Bill would probably know," I frowned. I signaled my way onto the interstate.

"So? It's not like I'm going to kill her or something. Maybe I could just stick some laxative in her tea or something."

"Water with lemon."

"Ooh! Maybe we could replace all the sugars at her table with salt!"

"How would you do that? What about when she left?"

"I'm a pretty tough witch, Sook! I turned Bob into a cat!"

"That was an accident."

"I'll work on something for you."

"Right. Thanks."

Amelia and I had dinner at a Cajun diner, and for awhile, I forgot about Selah and Bill. I stuffed my face full of red beans and rice, and we split a plate of broiled crayfish that were absolutely delightful and perfectly spiced. With a little nudge from Amelia, I agreed to split a piece of creamy cheesecake with her. We split the check, even-steven, and then headed back out to Fangtasia. The bar was just opening when we arrived, and we walked up to the entrance together, our arms linked.

"Sookie!" Pam beamed at me. She was on door duty, a menial task that she seemed to loathe. Pam was dressed uncomfortably in the long black gown that tourists assumed was typical fare for vampires. What they didn't know was that Pam preferred cashmere twin sets and pastel suit separates. With a smile and a pat on my hand, Pam showed us inside without taking our cover. When you have blood ties to the owner, you don't have to pay.

I abandoned Amelia at the bar, where she flirted openly with the bartender, Felicia. I could already sense Eric in his office, and I felt the familiar pull, the desire to be close to him. I'd been anxious about our very personal connection at first, but now I just wanted to be close to Eric when he was nearby. I always felt better. My mind felt clear. I had a smile on my face, and I didn't have to fake it.

I knocked lightly on the door, and I heard his muffled voice invite me inside. He knew it was me before I'd even approached the door, and he got up from his chair to regard me. We stood apart for a moment, looking at each other. I longed to be in his arms, to touch his smooth white skin. Eric held out a hand to me and I slid my palm into it. His fingers were cool, but his eyes were bright and alive. The big Viking vampire pulled me into his chest and tucked my cheek against his clean white shirt. I hummed softly.

"You've been having a bad week," Eric said, smoothing his fingers through my hair.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked, grinning down at me. His hand slid under my chin and tilted my face up. I smiled as casually as I could manage.

"I don't want to talk at all."

Eric had me on the desk in a minute, the papers cleared off onto the floor. His lips were soft and gentle, and his hands roamed up under my skirt. "I love the dress," he murmured into the skin of my shoulder. He was inhaling the scented soap I'd bought at the mall in Monroe. My fingers pulled at his tee shirt, lifting the soft cotton fabric out of his jeans and over his head. His skin was glowing, ever so slightly. I was the only one who noticed it. Most humans just couldn't tell.

I slid out of Eric's office a half hour later. A grin spread across my lips, and I caught Pam's eyes across the bar. She chuckled in my direction and gave a little wave to acknowledge me. I glanced around the bar, looking for Amelia, and felt a cold pang of disgust in my gut. Selah Pumphrey was walking into the bar, and her hand was clasped around that of my ex-boyfriend, Bill. Honestly, I didn't care so much that Bill was there, or that he was with her. Every time I thought of him, I felt angry or irritated, but I never felt the longing that I once had. Ever since Eric had forced Bill to reveal to me that the queen of Louisiana had sent him to seduce me, I could feel only distaste for my first boyfriend. But Selah Pumphrey inspired outright anger.

I was already excited from my little visit with Eric, and I felt my blood boiling through my veins as I watched Selah lead Bill over to a table near the bar. Pam's eyes darted to me again as I stomped toward Selah. I didn't care. I didn't look away from my target. I opened up my mind to gauge Selah's thoughts. I did my damndest to block out the rest of the human thoughts in the bar. I singled Selah out. As I reached for her with my mind, I struck out for their table with my feet.

…_Know she's here. Bet she didn't expect me to follow her all the way to Shreveport. If she sees us together, I know it'll just drive her nuts. Ooh, here she comes now. Bet she's gonna burst, she looks so pissed. Just what she deserves, treating Bill like that. _

I drew back my fist, and put every ounce of strength I had behind it. I still had Eric's blood in me, and I still had some vampire strength. I knew I could wallop her a good one, and I hoped I'd get in one good swing before Bill could catch me. I'd love to take him down too, but he was a vampire, and I wasn't stupid. Selah, though…Selah Pumphrey was human. I could definitely do her in.

"Selah," I smirked at her, my expression thinly masking my anger. Bill didn't look up, but I knew he'd heard me. Maybe he was hoping I'd try to engage them in polite conversation. Fat chance. I thrust my tight fist into her jaw, and she toppled backwards off her stool. I could have cackled, but instead I was reeling up for another good swing. Maybe I could get in a few kicks too before someone pulled me off her.

Eric was behind me, but I didn't warm to him. Instead, I felt like I had the strength, the full strength, of a vampire. I was going to let her have it, for good this time. She'd never harass me again. Eric stuck out his hand and grabbed my wrist. He was gentle, but firm. Bill was on his feet, his eyes dancing from me, to Eric, to Selah. He dropped to the ground and helped her up. Eric tucked me against him. I was spitting with anger.

"Stop following me! Stop calling me! Stop with the notes! Stop sitting in my section at the bar! Hell, don't even come to the bar! Stay out of my life, Selah Pumphrey! I don't even need a vampire to sic on you! I'll come after you my damn self!" I was seething now, so enraged, so irritated, so over the top pissed off that I could have shot out my leg and kicked her in the gut.

Suddenly, as though it had some will of its own, my ankle sprang out. It connected with Selah's thigh and she howled in pain. I felt a spike of glee in my own head, and I reared up for another shot. Eric scowled, and I felt his frustration in the back of my mind. I tried my best to ignore it. Eric slung his arm around my waist and carried me back to his office. I struggled to get back to Selah, to pummel her again until she really got what I was saying. Eric was dragging me backwards, and he yanked me into his office with a measure of force. The door slammed as he tossed me onto the sofa. I hit the cushion with a thud, and was back on my feet. I hammered my hands on the door, the anger still like a wild animal inside of me. The door popped open and I scrambled backward, hitting my hip against the corner of Eric's desk.

"Ow," I whined.

Pam stood in front of me, her hand resting casually on the doorknob as she closed the door behind her. Her eyebrows were raised. She had twisted her pretty lips into a cautious smile. I looked back at her. I couldn't seem to calm down.

"Bill left with an injured human." Pam reported.

"How dare she follow me here!" I growled, throwing up my hands.

"Who? Ms. Pumphrey? I believe Bill brought her here, Sookie."

"He's just trying to shove her in my face!" I barked.

"One would think you still had affection for Bill," Pam frowned, looking over my shoulder at Eric. He'd sat down behind his desk again, but when Pam addressed him, he stood up. His hand touched my shoulder. If I hadn't been so riled up, I might have noticed the warmth that spread through me.

"I can't even dignify that with an answer!" I spat at Pam. I almost felt bad. I really liked Pam. If anyone could have a vampire buddy, Pam was definitely mine.

"Look at me, Sookie." Eric said. I thought about telling him that his hypnosis wouldn't work on me, but after a minute, I turned to look up into his face. I crossed my arms over my chest and exhaled loudly.

Eric slid a hand under my chin and turned my face up to his. He stared down into my eyes, which I knew were dancing around like electric wires. I couldn't even hold still. My blood was on fire. I couldn't remember ever being so angry. My voice caught in my throat, and for a minute, I felt like I'd choke.

"Pam, get out." Eric said abruptly. Pam nodded and was out of the room in a second. She shut the door behind her. "It isn't Bill." He was talking to me now.

"No," I said. My voice was raspy. Somehow, I'd gone from angry to upset. I felt like choking because I was holding back a wave of tears. I didn't want to cry in front of Eric. I didn't think I could help it.

"What was she thinking?"

"That I treated him badly," I whispered. I was struggling to hold onto the emotional flood gates now. It wasn't working.

"You're miserable," he frowned. Not long ago, Eric had recognized my feelings with a kind of bland, distasteful understanding of human emotion. Thanks to our blood tie, he now felt my feelings as if they were his own. Because I was miserable, he was miserable for me. Tears stung my eyes.

"She's been harassing me for a week," I said. The tears welled up in my eyes. They fell down my cheeks slowly.

"I doubt she will again." Eric chuckled, but in a gentle sort of way. He sat down on the sofa opposite his desk and pulled me down across his thighs. I curled into his body like a child, and he bent my cheek against his shoulder. I tried to let the calm sensation that accompanied his closeness wash over me. I left tear stains on his clean white shirt.

"Your shirts always get dirty when I'm around," I murmured. I closed my eyes as Eric slid his hands into my hair, brushing it back from my face. He whispered a soft "Sssh," against my ear and I closed my mouth.

The restlessness began to fade.


End file.
